PMB of JCG

Well, once per month, it seems.
So, this has been a full and messy month. Inky died...we had to euthanize her. On Eli's 4th birthday. Dad was here and we were having our faulty windows replaced, and we had to say goodbye to the gentlest girlcat. One of the workers asked me about a groove that should have been carved into the bottom of a new sash, and I just started bawling. Poor guy. I think I haven't written since then because I was sure I'd absolutely come apart. Now, well, not coming apart. Too "nasty." Tonight Pat said I was being nasty when my tone was crappy because he's got a couple of evening school events and is going for a boys' weekend in October. He was right. So I'm in a bitchy mood. He used to just make fun of me and make me laugh to pull us both out of it. Maybe that gets old.
I had a run-my-ass off day at work. I felt like I was running in the water. And trying to minutely write about every little move, while the pen just kept running out of ink. I hope those babies are okay. My job is so heavy for me sometimes. And today I really felt like I was on my own even though so many folks did really helpful things for me/my two sweet, bad strip, long-a*# induction patients.
I've started doing more yoga. And, apparently eating more French fries (3 servings!!!) These things seem categorically opposed to each other. Also, I have been cooking a lot more veggies than meat. But the other day I bought some ribs, and I could not get them down my gullet fast enough last night, starting with the moment they came out of the oven. Om.
So Eli's 4. And Owen's just saying "NO!" most of the time. This is funny too often, and so now he thinks it's a joke. Owen signs for food. "You want food?" "NO!" But he says "now" instead of "no." It's cute. Eli's learning to ride a bike. And I made Pat give him a buzz cut. He looks like a tough kid. First day of his second year of pre-school at CGM tomorrow. We're going for World's Fair Donuts en route. Om.
We paid a bunch of money for Inky's ashes, but we haven't picked them up yet. What the heckums are we going to do with them? What's meaningful, but not gross or weird.
Also, a number of people who we know (RS, LF, JS) are pregnant again after significant losses. Praying for them wholeheartedly.
Need to find a good meditation for the yoga. Kindness? Open heart? Loving? Giving? Balance? Need it all. Grace, maybe. I think this incorporates it all. And will help at work, both r/t the giving of care and the keeping safe from damaging others/self. Also, will help at home, where the most important folks in my life are.