Be still, my love. Open up your heart. Let the light shine in. Thanks, Colin Hay.
P.S. I took a yoga class with a different instructor than I normally do; I really like my usual so much. Didn't realize what a great teacher he is for the beginner that I am.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Love
my job/ my life. PAC was good to me today. Worked with a logical and decisive MD, a great nurse and an awesome secretary (thank you DC, WL & DJ!) Interesting patients, many preterm, 3 rushed to L&D. 4 for 4 on IV starts and kind of getting the hang of the rhythm over there. Also, Pat brought the boys to work. Pat and the guys are a snuggle for soreheart when they visit, and the order of the work gives me counterbalance to our lovelymessy home life. Overall, very grateful.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
2 days in a ROW!
Well, I never.
I also never had a dream like the one I had last night. In it, I received the best hug of my life, waking or dreaming. And it was from a stranger. A MAN stranger. Don't worry, Pat. I don't remember his face. And he didn't make me ribs, he just hugged me. Held me, rather, but not in a lustful way. And we were both standing. It was a protective, loving, liking, wanted hug. Not wanting. Wanted.
I've sort of been wondering all day what it meant: Is he actually out there somewhere? Is he next to me in bed every night? Is he my grown-up sons? Was it the closest to hugging Jesus I'll get in this lifetime? Am I totally nuts?
It was kind of loverly. And kind of fatherly. And kind of brotherly. And...well, it's either sounding incestuous, or it's sounding like I should have been a nun. Yep...nuts.
So other items of note: I love Saint Louis today. After stopping at World's Fair for donuts on our way to Eli's First Day of his Second School Year at City Garden Montessori, Pat went off to work, and Owen and I went to Art Hill and then to the art museum. He was more exuberant about his echo than the art, but it was just lovely. We saw the plans for the museum's coming addition (so odd, because it looked at quick glance like they were going to add a boxy, modern structure to the very front of the museum...I hope I just misunderstood.) And then we saw 2 tour groups getting led through the large empty quarters of the museum, empty in preparation for the renovation. Then Owen climbed some large marble stairs, yelling, "DADDY!" at the top of his lungs with each step climbed.
We left the museum and went to Schnuck's. We witnessed a man steal what others believed was a bottle of alcohol. I know Pat would think this was depressing, and I would on some days, but today it just seemed funny. He walked out the easterly door of the building, but he had parked on the west side, so he walked totally conspicuously, looking back at the store the whole way and holding the side of his jacket, across the parking lot to his car. He sped off while the employees chased (v. slowly) and watched him get away with it. I was reminded of my own such similar historical moment, which also made me chuckle. I feel lucky to have been caught and in that way (with $70 in my wallet.)(Dumbass.)
After the store run (where I forgot the raising bran Pat asked for), we spent 30 minutes at Tower Grove Park on the playground. Again, lovely, and interesting people-watching. Owen's good at sliding.
We returned to CGM (after a quick SBucks run...I know, I'm weak), and Eli was ready as ever to roll. He seemed happy, and very adjusted to having returned to school. And grateful for the chocolate milk. Naps enveloped both boys immediately upon our return, and I made hummus. So yummy.
Owen awoke, we played. Eli woke up, and we headed to the CENTRAL BRANCH LIBRARY, finally. Eli's been asking to go for more than a week. We're not bad parents, I swear. It's just been busy, and a holiday weekend, and whatnot. Ahem. So we chose 13 books, 3 of them superheroish, and 1 Scoobyish. The rest better literaturish. There are so many great kids' books out there. I need to compile a list of our favorites to post. 2 of them we checked out today for the first time. Love the library. Also, at the library, we ran into a local celebrity, who also seems like a nice guy. He invited us to a Cuban Missile Crisis Party on Oct. 24. We'll be out of town (Pumpkin Party in SPFLD), but he told us to dress in a way as to appear prepared for the end of the world.
Pat, who had slipped away to meet us, returned to work for a late night...Open House. And boys and I went to City Garden, the awesome park. We waded, we splashed, and Eli made a friend named Patience. Owen stubbed his toe. He's really the bruiser.
We came home, we read and played. Owen had a couple of time-outs for hitting. I tried to put him down for a second nap since his first was only 1.5 hours. It didn't take. Then I warmed up risotto for him, cheesy mac for E. They ate well. And the grapes were super satisfying to bite into.
Tandem bath, so fun. I folded towels and pulled the cloth dipes out of the dryer. Dressed Owen, Eli dressed himself in 3 layers, the top with a zipper he could pull down to prove he's Superman in there. We read books together. He excused himself for O. and I to have a few private moments. O's so snuggly with the fleece at bed time. I basically made a nest of fleece with only his little face with his two little sucking fingers peeking out. Long gone is the barren crib of the early months.
Eli and I plugged in, he to the Land Before Time, I to my ipod on the treadmill. We each had 30 minutes. Then book time. Then bed.
Now ribs and writing and beer.
Kick me hard when I complain about my life.
I also never had a dream like the one I had last night. In it, I received the best hug of my life, waking or dreaming. And it was from a stranger. A MAN stranger. Don't worry, Pat. I don't remember his face. And he didn't make me ribs, he just hugged me. Held me, rather, but not in a lustful way. And we were both standing. It was a protective, loving, liking, wanted hug. Not wanting. Wanted.
I've sort of been wondering all day what it meant: Is he actually out there somewhere? Is he next to me in bed every night? Is he my grown-up sons? Was it the closest to hugging Jesus I'll get in this lifetime? Am I totally nuts?
It was kind of loverly. And kind of fatherly. And kind of brotherly. And...well, it's either sounding incestuous, or it's sounding like I should have been a nun. Yep...nuts.
So other items of note: I love Saint Louis today. After stopping at World's Fair for donuts on our way to Eli's First Day of his Second School Year at City Garden Montessori, Pat went off to work, and Owen and I went to Art Hill and then to the art museum. He was more exuberant about his echo than the art, but it was just lovely. We saw the plans for the museum's coming addition (so odd, because it looked at quick glance like they were going to add a boxy, modern structure to the very front of the museum...I hope I just misunderstood.) And then we saw 2 tour groups getting led through the large empty quarters of the museum, empty in preparation for the renovation. Then Owen climbed some large marble stairs, yelling, "DADDY!" at the top of his lungs with each step climbed.
We left the museum and went to Schnuck's. We witnessed a man steal what others believed was a bottle of alcohol. I know Pat would think this was depressing, and I would on some days, but today it just seemed funny. He walked out the easterly door of the building, but he had parked on the west side, so he walked totally conspicuously, looking back at the store the whole way and holding the side of his jacket, across the parking lot to his car. He sped off while the employees chased (v. slowly) and watched him get away with it. I was reminded of my own such similar historical moment, which also made me chuckle. I feel lucky to have been caught and in that way (with $70 in my wallet.)(Dumbass.)
After the store run (where I forgot the raising bran Pat asked for), we spent 30 minutes at Tower Grove Park on the playground. Again, lovely, and interesting people-watching. Owen's good at sliding.
We returned to CGM (after a quick SBucks run...I know, I'm weak), and Eli was ready as ever to roll. He seemed happy, and very adjusted to having returned to school. And grateful for the chocolate milk. Naps enveloped both boys immediately upon our return, and I made hummus. So yummy.
Owen awoke, we played. Eli woke up, and we headed to the CENTRAL BRANCH LIBRARY, finally. Eli's been asking to go for more than a week. We're not bad parents, I swear. It's just been busy, and a holiday weekend, and whatnot. Ahem. So we chose 13 books, 3 of them superheroish, and 1 Scoobyish. The rest better literaturish. There are so many great kids' books out there. I need to compile a list of our favorites to post. 2 of them we checked out today for the first time. Love the library. Also, at the library, we ran into a local celebrity, who also seems like a nice guy. He invited us to a Cuban Missile Crisis Party on Oct. 24. We'll be out of town (Pumpkin Party in SPFLD), but he told us to dress in a way as to appear prepared for the end of the world.
Pat, who had slipped away to meet us, returned to work for a late night...Open House. And boys and I went to City Garden, the awesome park. We waded, we splashed, and Eli made a friend named Patience. Owen stubbed his toe. He's really the bruiser.
We came home, we read and played. Owen had a couple of time-outs for hitting. I tried to put him down for a second nap since his first was only 1.5 hours. It didn't take. Then I warmed up risotto for him, cheesy mac for E. They ate well. And the grapes were super satisfying to bite into.
Tandem bath, so fun. I folded towels and pulled the cloth dipes out of the dryer. Dressed Owen, Eli dressed himself in 3 layers, the top with a zipper he could pull down to prove he's Superman in there. We read books together. He excused himself for O. and I to have a few private moments. O's so snuggly with the fleece at bed time. I basically made a nest of fleece with only his little face with his two little sucking fingers peeking out. Long gone is the barren crib of the early months.
Eli and I plugged in, he to the Land Before Time, I to my ipod on the treadmill. We each had 30 minutes. Then book time. Then bed.
Now ribs and writing and beer.
Kick me hard when I complain about my life.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
PMB of JCG
Well, once per month, it seems.
So, this has been a full and messy month. Inky died...we had to euthanize her. On Eli's 4th birthday. Dad was here and we were having our faulty windows replaced, and we had to say goodbye to the gentlest girlcat. One of the workers asked me about a groove that should have been carved into the bottom of a new sash, and I just started bawling. Poor guy. I think I haven't written since then because I was sure I'd absolutely come apart. Now, well, not coming apart. Too "nasty." Tonight Pat said I was being nasty when my tone was crappy because he's got a couple of evening school events and is going for a boys' weekend in October. He was right. So I'm in a bitchy mood. He used to just make fun of me and make me laugh to pull us both out of it. Maybe that gets old.
I had a run-my-ass off day at work. I felt like I was running in the water. And trying to minutely write about every little move, while the pen just kept running out of ink. I hope those babies are okay. My job is so heavy for me sometimes. And today I really felt like I was on my own even though so many folks did really helpful things for me/my two sweet, bad strip, long-a*# induction patients.
I've started doing more yoga. And, apparently eating more French fries (3 servings!!!) These things seem categorically opposed to each other. Also, I have been cooking a lot more veggies than meat. But the other day I bought some ribs, and I could not get them down my gullet fast enough last night, starting with the moment they came out of the oven. Om.
So Eli's 4. And Owen's just saying "NO!" most of the time. This is funny too often, and so now he thinks it's a joke. Owen signs for food. "You want food?" "NO!" But he says "now" instead of "no." It's cute. Eli's learning to ride a bike. And I made Pat give him a buzz cut. He looks like a tough kid. First day of his second year of pre-school at CGM tomorrow. We're going for World's Fair Donuts en route. Om.
We paid a bunch of money for Inky's ashes, but we haven't picked them up yet. What the heckums are we going to do with them? What's meaningful, but not gross or weird.
Also, a number of people who we know (RS, LF, JS) are pregnant again after significant losses. Praying for them wholeheartedly.
Need to find a good meditation for the yoga. Kindness? Open heart? Loving? Giving? Balance? Need it all. Grace, maybe. I think this incorporates it all. And will help at work, both r/t the giving of care and the keeping safe from damaging others/self. Also, will help at home, where the most important folks in my life are.
So, this has been a full and messy month. Inky died...we had to euthanize her. On Eli's 4th birthday. Dad was here and we were having our faulty windows replaced, and we had to say goodbye to the gentlest girlcat. One of the workers asked me about a groove that should have been carved into the bottom of a new sash, and I just started bawling. Poor guy. I think I haven't written since then because I was sure I'd absolutely come apart. Now, well, not coming apart. Too "nasty." Tonight Pat said I was being nasty when my tone was crappy because he's got a couple of evening school events and is going for a boys' weekend in October. He was right. So I'm in a bitchy mood. He used to just make fun of me and make me laugh to pull us both out of it. Maybe that gets old.
I had a run-my-ass off day at work. I felt like I was running in the water. And trying to minutely write about every little move, while the pen just kept running out of ink. I hope those babies are okay. My job is so heavy for me sometimes. And today I really felt like I was on my own even though so many folks did really helpful things for me/my two sweet, bad strip, long-a*# induction patients.
I've started doing more yoga. And, apparently eating more French fries (3 servings!!!) These things seem categorically opposed to each other. Also, I have been cooking a lot more veggies than meat. But the other day I bought some ribs, and I could not get them down my gullet fast enough last night, starting with the moment they came out of the oven. Om.
So Eli's 4. And Owen's just saying "NO!" most of the time. This is funny too often, and so now he thinks it's a joke. Owen signs for food. "You want food?" "NO!" But he says "now" instead of "no." It's cute. Eli's learning to ride a bike. And I made Pat give him a buzz cut. He looks like a tough kid. First day of his second year of pre-school at CGM tomorrow. We're going for World's Fair Donuts en route. Om.
We paid a bunch of money for Inky's ashes, but we haven't picked them up yet. What the heckums are we going to do with them? What's meaningful, but not gross or weird.
Also, a number of people who we know (RS, LF, JS) are pregnant again after significant losses. Praying for them wholeheartedly.
Need to find a good meditation for the yoga. Kindness? Open heart? Loving? Giving? Balance? Need it all. Grace, maybe. I think this incorporates it all. And will help at work, both r/t the giving of care and the keeping safe from damaging others/self. Also, will help at home, where the most important folks in my life are.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
