the awakening "mommay", the sheet fwiffing back, the one-foot-high-heeled toddler clonking toward me, the washing machine humming and gurgling, the wooden stair creaking, the cereal tinking into the porcelain bowl, the milk getting sucked into the cereal, the coffee machine choking out its last drops, the harsh sound of my voice saying "no" almost first thing, the back door criching open and closed again, the cats meeeewing, the car engine clearing its throat, the sink rushing and dishes cathunking into the dishwasher, the telephone twonhwonhwonhwonhing, the sound of my mother's voice, the sound of my own harsh voice again, my swallowing coffee, the gate crunking closed, the washer still humming and gurgling, the sink rushing and my hands in it splashing my face, WAKE UP JESSICA. This is your morning for which to be grateful, and instead you wasted the day being grunchy and short. You have one motherhood, one wifeness, one July 23, 2009, and now it's about over (just the July 23rd). And you did okay, but man, you could do so much better. Grow, girlfriend. And just be better, especially to those little people who have no choice but to live with you. Talk better, more gently, and be gentler. LISTEN instead of remembering the sounds later.

wormholes

almost indescribable, not in a good way, today. seriously. here my pregnant patient was exposed to bacterial meningitis at an osh and f*ing MJ has a casket made of gold. what the shit. seriously. and i didn't even see o. today. and i can't stop this day from wearing holes in my brain. need some france.